Stigma & Shame around Counselling.

It can be hard to reach out to a mental health professional if we are suffering psychologically. Society can influence us against making that first move. There can be, for some, a stigma around this. A stigma can be understood as a negative and biased belief that a group may have around a certain issue. This is sometimes adopted by the individual as shame – seeing themselves as weak for needing help or considering themselves to be in some way broken. Layered on top of these feelings could be the perceived challenge of working with a stranger to begin to figure out these vague, unknown feelings. A difficult problem and one that can turn us off the idea of counselling and psychotherapy.

Whilst researching this stigma around seeking help for emotional issues, I discovered that it be culturally viewed as a sign of weakness and can lead to unhealthy distractions i.e. alcohol and substance abuse. This can lead to social and emotional withdrawal from peers. This was especially true for males. Academic papers have shown that for Irish men peer pressure and stigma go hand in hand and act as a hindrance for help seeking. When we reflect on this, maybe, our idea of masculinity might have to challenged – that it is ok to talk amongst peers and professionals about our struggles and issues.

This relational connection with others, whether it be friends or counsellors, can be a way to disarm this stigma and personal shame which has grown heavier the longer we struggle with it on our own. The counselling room can be a place to begin this work and begin to truly comprehend what it is we are grappling with. The safety of this space can be the foundation for true change where we can challenge ourselves, our beliefs and understand the emotions around this. Indeed the individual may use this time to challenge the societal beliefs they may have taken on board that are working against their best interests.

Thanks for reading this short blog. Should you wish contact me, please do not hesitate to get in touch. I am accessible through the site, by phone or by email. I am based in Caragh, Naas, Co. Kildare and also work online.

William Dunlea,

Caragh,

Naas,

Co Kildare.

Bereavement, Loss and Counselling.

Grief is described as the intense sorrow following the death of another. It is a loss that can be experienced as devastating and life altering for the bereaved. It might also be viewed as a change that is forced on us, without consideration or choice. For these reasons the death of a loved one can be extremely difficult to adjust to.

It is a subject that has been considered by many given its universal and subjective nature. We all experience it, and yet it can feel different for each person. Some speak of the deceased as no longer being there in a physical sense to be the focus of attention and love. Others seek solace in the spiritual and the ethereal. For others still there can be intense feelings of denial - frustration at the reality of their new circumstances.

Engaging with a professional through counselling can be experienced as a gradual recovery. Through counselling and psychotherapy, the individual may begin to imagine a world that is altered and new, one without their loved one.

Loss can also be an end to a certain way of life or the possibility of one. A retirement or job loss can radically alter how we see ourselves and could leave the individual mourning the ‘old you’. Children leaving home or moving from a stage of life to another may also evoke feelings of loss. The journey of psychotherapy might then involve a reimagining of the new person we need to become. One that now needs to stand apart from the job or way of life that used to define them.

Thanks for reading this short blog. Should you wish contact me, please do not hesitate to get in touch. I am accessible through the site, by phone or by email. I am based in Caragh, Naas, Co. Kildare and also work online.

Working with anxiety through counselling therapy

Anxiety is a reoccurring theme in our world. But what exactly is anxiety? Some might argue it is the very unknown nature of anxiety, and the panic attacks that might follow, that shake us to our core. It can be layered with feelings of unease and uncertainty about events past present or future. It is a unique experience to each individual. It is unique to you.

Should we aim, as a therapeutic partnership between client and therapist, to destroy or rid ourselves of this anxiety? Ultimately the answer is yes, but it’s the route we choose in this endeavour that might be most rewarding – one of sitting with the anxiety. You might think this is the last thing you feel like doing which is understandable but you might find yourself finally able to persevere. Then it is the right time to engage in counselling.

This exploration in counselling might lead us to moments of self encounter whereby we develop a sense of understanding of why we are actually experiencing the anxiety. Ironically it is this understanding of why we are scared, frightened and worried that might help us to gradually dismantle it.

We can, with the support of the counselling relationship, find ways to push forward and overcome anxiety. We might stutter and feel uncertain at times in our recovery. These shaky moments can be the cornerstone of therapy. By exploring them, we can learn. Then we might apply these learnings to our life outside of the counselling therapy room.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Should you wish contact me please do not hesitate to contact me through the site, by phone or email. My counselling and psychotherapy practice is based in Caragh, Naas, Co. Kildare and also work online.

Depression, Counselling and the Irish Male.

When I was writing my thesis for my final year in college, I settled upon the subject of depression and how it effects the Irish male. Its statistical relevance was, unfortunately, there for all to see. I have always considered counselling as a way of exploring the ‘self’, seeing what has made us the way we are and in time facing up to this way of being in order to move forward. Was it possible, I wondered, to explore the label of depression and how it relates to the self?

My starting point was a definition. What is depression? Could a one-size-fits-all definition be workable? A lot of what I read at the time kept throwing up words like withdrawal and isolation. Some sufferers reported a shared experience of being unable to manage life or to reach out for assistance. Some found relief in definition – knowing what they were dealing with in clear terms. Others found it unhelpful to define and by extension diagnose – the diagnosis made it feel immovable and beyond their control. What I took from these points were the individual nature of this condition even in trying to nail down what it meant for different people. In short it meant something different and more nuanced for each individual and yet had shared themes.

A lot of my research on the Irish male and depression showed related issues like anger management, alcohol and substance abuse, emotional aloofness and suicidal ideation. It led me to question what is causing this? Is there a common dissatisfaction in the environment of the young men of this country?

One of the first things that caught my eye was the awareness of disingenuous relating amongst men. The idea of not being fully confident or able to reveal ourselves to another person. What can be keeping us from genuinely meeting each other? Is there a fear of derision ingrained in society if we are to offer our feelings and intuitions as a means of connection? Different Irish male perspectives sharing their own experience of depression often report a need to wear a hardened exterior – something they attribute to manliness. This may then lead to feeling cut off or separate from their peers and support. Asking for help is often, with this mindset, stigmatised and seen as weak. This form of masculinity, whilst thankfully being challenged in various forms, can be seen as still very dominant.

Through counselling and psychotherapy, these issues can be explored and an open, safe connection can be created. This safety can be lacking amongst our peers, this need for help can be dismissed. In counselling the self that we need to be can be nurtured, the changes we want to make can begin to take shape.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am contactable through the site, phone and email. I am situated in Caragh village, which is a short drive from Naas (7 min.s) and Newbridge (11 min.s) and I also offer online counselling therapy.

Counselling - a way forward for you?

Counselling, or talking therapy, comes in many shapes. It is not my aim to get into the many different theories that are out there. My goal for this blog is create an understanding of what I offer in the counselling room. Hopefully, it can be a way forward for you.

In psychotherapy, the person has to lead, to tell their own story. This is the building material of the working therapeutic relationship. From this we will try to facilitate the individual to find their own answers – to be curious about themselves. It is not my objective to force my philosophy, whether personal or professional, on the client. Rather it is to help them to adjust their own personal attitudes to lead a more contented life. Maybe it’s time for you to understand how you are in the world. Why you are the way you are and why it might be time to question and change this. Is it time, with the help of a counsellor, to look for your own answers? This can be quite intimidating but remember in therapy you are not facing this alone. I will accompany you.

The counselling relationship offers us the potential to be real, to be honest when we appraise our stories. It is this honesty, employed in a compassionate way, that allows us to examine what really needs to be looked at. Again, this can be overwhelming but remember it is done at the pace of the person coming to counselling. Through gradual acceptance and understanding of these issues, we may find relief and in time ways to progress your life. Not to put too fine a point on it but to start to become the person you need to be.

A lot of people can find this form of counselling challenging – why come to therapy and NOT get the answers presented to you? If I, as a mental health professional, advise you to take certain courses in your life then your own intuition might be ignored. It is this very same intuition that we are seeking to identify and strengthen. We are allowing the individual to become aware enough to offer themselves their own answers.

Whilst I do not see myself as directive, I do see myself as active in working with the individual to figure out their experiences, feelings, thoughts and all the other components of their lives. By listening and, indeed, truly hearing the individual’s plight a catharsis of sorts might occur followed by possible avenues of progress. Tentative steps can then be taken to amend and change the course of one’s life. ‘Failure’ in this does not necessarily have to be labelled so harshly – it can be a real opportunity for growth once re-examined in therapy.

I think it’s appropriate to conclude by mentioning that every individual is unique and so is their life experience. Each individual’s life experience is not linear – it doesn’t happen in any specific order. It is not tailored to suit any specific plan, different routes through counselling happen for each individual. What I have discussed in this blog is an attempt to understand how counselling might look like for you.

Should you wish to know more please do not hesitate to contact me through the site, phone or email. I am situated in Caragh village, which is a short drive from Naas (7 min.s) and Newbridge (11 min.s) and I also offer online therapy. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

William Dunlea,

Caragh,

Naas,

Co. Kildare.

Making that first contact with a counsellor.

Coming to therapy for the first time can be a daunting prospect. Sometimes, people are at a crossroads. They may feel ‘stuck’ – not knowing how to progress their lives after a setback. They may be experiencing life events that they cannot make sense of. They may feel overwhelmed by confusion and panic, unable to decide what to do next. They may withdraw inwards to themselves and become lost in negative overthinking. Whatever the reason, people are unique and their reasons for coming to counselling and psychotherapy are as individual as they are.

Many are referred to counselling by their GP. It is also common for people to decide to go straight to the counsellor themselves. Sometimes a conversation with a loved one or friend can be the starting point. A phone call, text or email to a counsellor can follow after this. It does not make it any easier to ask for help with psychological or emotional distress. I know from attending my own therapy that feelings of awkwardness and vulnerability were quite strong at the time. Dealing with hesitation may persist until the day of the first appointment. It is important that the individual is ready to talk about their situation so that they can create a safe connection that can be the foundation for the counselling relationship.

Counselling can build a relationship where we feel supported so that we can heal, develop a self awareness to find the answers we are searching for. Of course, it can offer many other things but ultimately, we may feel we are repositioned to take on life’s challenges again.

It is also important that the person coming to therapy is realistic – expecting others or the past to change only results in frustration and sometimes a deepened experience of despair. I do not mention this to discourage the individual but rather to help them focus on what counselling offers – an opportunity to be curious about themselves. Why they are the way they are and how they can become the active agents in changing their own lives.

Finding a counsellor can be a difficult task if you don’t know where to start. Here are a number of things to guide you:

• Check that the counsellor has the proper qualifications

• Make sure that the counsellor feels like a good fit for your needs, where you find yourself in life and most importantly a good fit for you

• Search counselling and psychotherapy accreditation bodies.

• Consult with your GP

When making that initial contact it can be difficult to know what to say and how to word it. The therapist should understand this. The difficulties and stress of reaching out to a mental health professional is a known issue for counsellors. You should feel reassured that the issue you are struggling with can be dealt with and you should also feel reassurance around their professional approach - appointment times, cost etc.

In conclusion, i would like to say that should you need a counsellor please do not hesitate to contact me through the contact form on the site, by phone or email. I am based in Caragh, Naas, Co Kildare which is a short drive from Naas (7 min.s) and Newbridge (11 min.s). I also offer online therapy.

William Dunlea,

Caragh,

Naas,

Co. Kildare.